Leland Clipperton

Friday, April 23, 2010

Apologize! ... No way!

Apologies are not about doing something wrong or condoning a certain behavior, it’s about recognition and acknowledgment of how our actions affect another.

It’s an admittance that our actions do effect others (and ourselves).

In relationships we offer information through our behaviour and connection (or lack of) that contributes to an outcome. If that outcome is not what we’re looking for, then apologizing can also be a recognition of how our behavior also effects those involved.

It can allow for change to occur. Make some room to work towards forgiving yourself and the other person for what’s happened, not condoning it, but understanding it differently.

They may not accept the apology, but will know how you really feel with the added bonus that it’ll help clarify this for you.

Remember to be gentle through the process… be mindful of the judgment and assumptions that can (and probably will) occur. Just note/observe them, don’t use or manipulate them.

An alternative may be to use the judgments and assumptions to elevate your insight and understanding of your yourself and the situation. It may be that these occur as a result of fear... knowing this may help lead to what that fear(s) might be.

Apoligizing is not saying that the behaviour is ok, saying "I'm sorry" is meaningless unless there is understanding of what you're apoligizing for and are willing to alter your thinking and behaviour regarding what happened. Use the experience as learning and be willing to consider alternatives.

Until later
(905) 510-9117
(705) 443-8290

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Plan "B"

We are all accountable and responsible for our thoughts, words and deeds. Whatever we feel may be the "cause" of our demise, our pain, our struggle, our distress, our lack, our incompetence, our inadequacies, our misfortune... we are the only ones who can make this different.
We need to step up to the plate, put our toes on the line and make a decision. Assess what you consider to be the problem, the cause of the problem and all the possible solutions you can think of. Ask those close to you what they think... and listen. Try to avoid the tendency to dismiss any ideas you may hear that might not fit what you THINK.
If the solutions we consider to be feasible are based on someone else being different, or a situation being different without our changing, then the solution won't work... it just doesn't. You can paint it any colour you like, stop relying on that.
The most common definition of insanity is one that most of you have heard...
Repeating the same behaviour and expecting different results...
Some of you may remember when windows had the blue screen of death! I'd hit the same key that caused the problem... again... and again and guess what would happen? My son, Andrew, would laugh and say, "hit it again Dad!"
Now, the definition of SANITY! ... knowing what to do when you don't win the lottery!
In other words, when your repetitive thinking and behaviour is creating the same undesirable results, what's you plan B? Just consider some options. Look in another direction and while you're waiting for your plan A to come to fruition, focus on your plan B in the meantime.
Have a focused purpose for your day. One way for you to make the future different is by making today different.

Until later,
(905) 510-9117
(705) 443-8290