What channel are you watching?

What do you find your mind drawn to?

What seems to be entertaining you?

What do you think about in a more consistent manner?

Are we compelled to be thinking in a certain way?

Can we re-train our little brains to entertain another possibility?

We seem to want to find someone else or a situation to point at and say (with shock), OMG! How could they do that? Look what they did! Look what they're wearing!

I'm never going to be like .... _______________ fill in the blank here... (could be my mother, my father, my brother, my sister, like her, like him, like them....)

And we wonder why we have conflict?????

Let's try to look at the GO sign... not the STOP sign!

If your focus seems to want to go where you're not getting positive benefit... you can re-train and consider an alternative. We cannot change our default thinking.... however, we can expand, add and choose a more beneficial focus.

The Answer

We often already have the answer we seek, we just don't want to listen! Yabutt!

Tai Chi helps elderly Depressed

http://www.familyhealthguide.co.uk/depressed-elderly-cheer-up-with-tai-chi.html
Interesting! I've been thinking about teaching tai chi at the senior's home and this helped.

Lost Beatle Pictures!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/larry-marion/lost-beatles-photographs_b_840775.html#s258101

I could probably never get enough Beatles info (getting nostalgic) and this is an interesting add...

Riddle me this... What can't be googled?

Ok.... riddle me this....
What can't be Googled????????

Empty nesters

Only 6 more days before the youngest leaves on his worldly adventure to New Zealand... leaving us... (sigh)...(bigger sigh)... alone!
I'm very excitied for him. He's worked so hard to have this in his life and I know he'll be challenged, extended and enjoy. I admire and respect his ability to suspend fear and create!
Thank God for technology so we can pretend he's physically closer...Watch out world... he's coming atchya.

Winter

Anyone want to join these people?

Is your pet entertaining?

Does your cat constantly climb up your screen? Mine does....
We have two of them that like to climb, scratch, claw, defecate, and then purr their way into my heart... It's not fair!

Terms of Engagement

There are always points of conflict and struggle that seem to naturally occur in relationships. Most people are uncomfortable and fearful of these times and even when not, the situations are often mishandled.



It seems that it may be benficial, more productive and efficient if we were to establish more reasonable terms of engagement that are less conflictual, less volatile and more understanding and peaceful... at least that would be my preference.

Let's say you see two children arguing or fighting in the school yard. You intervene and "break up" the fight. If you were to ask, "OK, Who started it?". What response would you expect? Typically you'll see two fingers pointing at each other and the verbal response will be... "he (or she) did!

It is as if we actually believe at that point of conflict that "he (or she) made me do it!" It all his (or her) fault! If this is really true then, we actually lose complete control of our own bodies (and minds) in conflict and are controlled by another person. If it can happen then, and we're not responsible, why not just say it all the time... we're never really in control, we're being controlled by the world. We're therefore, not responsible for our own actions!

I don't think sooooo! In fact, it is the exact opposite that is true. It is only us (as individuals) that are in control!

[SIDEBAR] - The truth about what real psychotherapy is - the creation of a trusting, honest and integral relationship where there is a direct experiential learning  - that it is not the world that does onto me, but what I that do onto the world!

So, when we learn that we are not, in fact, controlled by the world, we need to re-establish more creative and productive means of engaging with each other, particularly in times of conflict.

Even when there are times when one (or both) [assuming there's only two people involved - think of the two children in the school yard] recognise that hurt has been experienced as a result of the "exchange"...
one person in the exchange says, "you hurt me!". Often the automatic response to this will be what I term as a "yabut" response.... either "ya but you hurt me too", or "I didn't mean to" or "you started it first".

So, here's a new guideline/rule for times of conflict... If, for whatever reason, you feel you have been hurt (slighted, insulted, unheard, misunderstood, attacked) you may want to "express" that feeling to the object of your concern. Finger out, you point (shoot back, defend, protect, attack) and let er rip! (this can be done in the most subtle of ways to the most extreme... it's a continuum).

You want the other person to do what at that moment? Not be defensive, exclaiming "YABUT you" or "YABUT I".   No, more likely you would want them to attend to what you are expressing... to listen. To do anything else tends to make the situation worse. Not listening suggests and re-enforces the "attack".  The content of what you're experiencing gets lost as you slip into the abyss of conflict... again.

Listen.... hhhmmmm.   The truth is in conflict (and at all other times) we all have our own personal and individual ways and means of perceiving, understanding, and interpreting the events of our lives. If we all have our own "truth", then most arguments must be about you trying to convince another that their "truth" is not real, and your truth, therefore, must be. They will not be really "listening" and you will not feel "heard" until we hear agreement or compliance... all the time feeling that if we do that, then we're giving our "right" to be "right" and it is our "job" to instruct, manipulate, coerce others to accept our "righteousness", our "truth". The paradox is established (and it's not my fault!)

So, if conflict is "caused" by this perception that unless others are in complete, total and absolute agreement (oxymoron), we have a problem... we will always be in conflict... always under attack... always needing to be on guard...

The other side is that if we understand that everyone has their own perception, for whatever reason other than willfully engaging in conflict, we need to all consider that all conflict is a trap of sorts, keeping us out of peace. That the conflict is avoidable because we are all entitled to and will always have a different individual experience with our "life".  We do not have to continue to feel attacked or unheard just because someone else doesn't "get it" or understand it. We don't have to walk around feeling the sense of impending threat... not if it's going to happen... but when and by whom?

Doing so, does not allow living in fear... we can be cautious without being "in fear". The threat is our own perception. When we await it, anticipate it... guess what happens? [sorry, that's a little redundant and sarcastic... isn't it?] We are sensitive to that situation occurring and it then happens... and we say, "How'd that happen... again?"

Try, today, to listen without fear, without judgment. Understand that we all have our perceptions and it's as difficult for you to understand another person's perception as it is for them to understand yours. Attempt to understand what's behind the perception. Ask questions about the perception, without being defensive or judgmental. Knowing now what being defensive, etc. does... just creates more conflict.

Until later,
Leland Clipperton

Leland@CounsellingandMediation.com

http://www.counsellingandmediation.com/

705 443 8290

905 510 9117

Gratitude

We have all heard it (and perhaps said it) before.... this is not re-inventing nor inventing the wheel....

BE GRATEFUL!...

you know.. you should be more grateful!... Count your blessings! yeh, yeh, yeh... enough already.

We typically have a defensive responsive at the time because we're busy not being grateful and don't want to hear... blah, blah, blah...

Why should I be more grateful when I don't have what I want? or what I have... or at least part of it... sucks!? Don't most of us think that... perhaps quietly, secretively?

We have this seemingly innate need to believe in our own deprivation. We can easily focus on what we don't have, or on what we do have that’s wrong… rather than looking differently at the reasons why we have what we have.

I need to tell you that it's a different experience when you realize that we are creators, or at least co-creators of our lives. It is not the external that is creating the belief in deprivation... it is our interpretation. We do this so that we can justify blaming our situation, other people, etc. and not take responsibility for what we don't have (or do have)... all the time forgetting that it is us who is interpreting that information.

When we understand that this MUST be the case (we’re the only ones making the decisions), then we can begin to take more responsibility to consciously make (create) different interpretations, to make more informed decisions to not blame.

I often tell clients that the most difficult and challenging part about sitting across from me is becoming fully self-accountable and self-responsible... and that the best part about sitting across from me (their therapist) is becoming fully self-accountable and self-responsible...



This does two things… it relieves us of the identity of being victims (or at least makes that more difficult) and that we do have the ability and control to create the desired changes. We don't have to wait for the situation, other person or circumstance to change in order for us to feel better... be different.

In the end we are self-directed... on some level it is only our decisions that direct and guide us... we are, like or not, in control (which is a good thing!). What we suffer from is ignorance, misinformation and making less conscious, uninformed decisions.

To take your desires (things you feel you don't have or alternatively… things you have that you don’t want) and make them real... something needs to change. It's not that you can't have that (whatever that is), but it is our task then to figure out what we're doing right now that is disabling us to acquire/accomplish that which we are really choosing (on some level) to not have! It could be that you are secretly telling yourself that your won't have or can't have whatever (or whoever), that you will never have... whatever... you don't deserve it, you're unworthy, it's too hard to get anyway, it'll take too long, you're not smart enough, it costs too much... whatever the justification is... you WILL believe in it and it WILL seem very real.

What we can forget is that... isn't it us that is creating that focus, that interpretation, that justification, that reality????

Do you want to change this old habit? Try something different (but not that unique!)

One way to put this change into practice right now... TODAY... is by expressing gratitude.

Focus on saying thank you... to yourself, to others... yes, for EVERYTHING! You, after all, chose to have "it" (being an undesirable) there in your life anyway... didn't you? (you just may not have realized it?)

You, after all chose to have "it" in your life, or not in your life. There must be a reason... Let's figure that out and maybe it'll open up another door. What have you got to lose? How much will it cost you to practice being grateful?

You don't even have to really believe the practice of saying thank you to have the practice change your attitude, your outlook, your approach. The idea is to metaphorically shake up the tree a bit. Others will respond differently to you. Take note of the differences YOU are creating! … within yourself and in others.

Being "in control" is actually a good thing. Remember, if our lives are something we (at the least) co-create, then... if there is part of it you want to change... there is no real reason that it can't, other than what we "make up" and then justify and make real in our minds. If we can do that, then we can attempt other methods that will, at the least, create a different result... and therefore a more informed decision.


Also remember that you cannot change a problem on the same level it was created at! What if abundance really is there/here for us to enjoy... today!

Until later,

Leland

Help is here.
http://www.counsellingandmediation.com/
Leland@CounsellingandMediation.com
705 443 8290
905 510 9117

Is the World Ending?

If you've been watching or listening to the news lately, it's hard to avoid hearing about the catastrophic occurrences right now around the world...

What thoughts come to your mind????

I reminds me somewhat of how I felt when I heard about the first plane hitting the World Trade Centre. I was driving my son to school and listening to the radio... by the time I got home the second had hit and I was mesmerized and in shock, spending the day glued to the TV... indelibly etched into my little brain!

But I remember sitting in my classroom in grade five when the announcement came over the loudspeaker that President Kennedy had been assassinated! How could a nine year old even know about that stuff? and yet I still remember being struck with a powerful sense of grief and fear. I remember hearing and talking about how he had saved the world from the possible destruction from the Bay of Pigs conflict... we had to hide out under the stairs with our meager food provisions in case of nuclear attack...

and I remember (a little more recently) when Princess Diana was married (July 29, 1981) at her fairytale wedding as seen by 750 million people (me included) followed by the sadness and grief when she died August 31, 1997. (again, both times I was glued to the TV afraid to miss anything).

I seem to be gripped by a couple thoughts when these events occur... where is my family? I want to be with them! I want to be with those I feel connected to and have a loving experience with.

It makes me wonder... if the world really was going to end next week (and each of our individual worlds will end at some point), what would you want to do? What is important to you? Does it shift your priorities at all? How long would you wait to do what you wanted to do?

Why should we wait? Maybe we should consider what our real priorities are? Who is really important in our lives? How do we really want to be spending our time? and with whom?

Why do you get up in the morning?

Until later,
Leland

Leland@CounsellingandMediation.com
http://www.counsellingandmediation.com/
705 443 8290
905 510 9117

More about love

Most of us consider love to be something desirable and often missing from our lives. It is important to consider how we are defining that experience/feeling/behaviour.

What is love to you?

It's no wonder we get confused about that elusive concern!

Recently Exhart Tolle was interviewed about love in relationships and I thought that his comments were worthy of repeating... His web site is http://www.eckharttolle.com/

Th following is an exerpt of that interview:

ET: What is conventionally called "love" is an ego strategy to avoid surrender. You are looking to someone to give you that which can only come to you in the state of surrender. The ego uses that person as a substitute to avoid having to surrender. The Spanish language is the most honest in this respect. It uses the same verb, te quiero, for "I love you" and "I want you." To the ego, loving and wanting are the same, whereas true love has no wanting in it, no desire to possess or for your partner to change. The ego singles someone out and makes them special. It uses that person to cover up the constant underlying feeling of discontent, of "not enough," of anger and hate, which are closely related. These are facets of an underlying deep seated feeling in human beings that is inseparable from the egoic state.

When the ego singles something out and says "I love" this or that, it's an unconscious attempt to cover up or remove the deep-seated feelings that always accompany the ego: the discontent, the unhappiness, the sense of insufficiency that is so familiar. For a little while, the illusion actually works. Then inevitably, at some point, the person you singled out, or made special in your eyes, fails to function as a cover up for your pain, hate, discontent or unhappiness which all have their origin in that sense of insufficiency and incompleteness. Then, out comes the feeling that was covered up, and it gets projected onto the person that had been singled out and made special - who you thought would ultimately "save you." Suddenly love turns to hate. The ego doesn't realize that the hatred is a projection of the universal pain that you feel inside. The ego believes that this person is causing the pain. It doesn't realize that the pain is the universal feeling of not being connected with the deeper level of your being - not being at one with yourself.

The object of love is interchangeable, as interchangeable as the object of egoic wanting. Some people go through many relationships. They fall in love and out of love many times. They love a person for a while until it doesn't work anymore, because no person can permanently cover up that pain.

Only surrender can give you what you were looking for in the object of your love. The ego says surrender is not necessary because I love this person. It's an unconscious process of course. The moment you accept completely what is, something inside you emerges that had been covered up by egoic wanting. It is an innate, indwelling peace, stillness, aliveness. It is the unconditioned, who you are in your essence. It is what you had been looking for in the love object. It is yourself. When that happens, a completely different kind of love is present which is not subject to love / hate. It doesn't single out one thing or person as special. It's absurd to even use the same word for it. Now it can happen that even in a normal love / hate relationship, occasionally, you enter the state of surrender. Temporarily, briefly, it happens: you experience a deeper universal love and a complete acceptance that can sometimes shine through, even in an otherwise egoic relationship. If surrender is not sustained, however, it gets covered up again with the old egoic patterns. So, I'm not saying that the deeper, true love cannot be present occasionally, even in a normal love / hate relationship. But it is rare and usually short-lived.

Whenever you accept what is, something deeper emerges then what is. So, you can be trapped in the most painful dilemma, external or internal, the most painful feelings or situation, and the moment you accept what is, you go beyond it, you transcend it. Even if you feel hatred, the moment you accept that this is what you feel, you transcend it. It may still be there, but suddenly you are at a deeper place where it doesn't matter that much anymore. The entire phenomenal universe exists because of the tension between the opposites. Hot and cold, growth and decay, gain and loss, success and failure, the polarities that are part of existence, and of course part of every relationship.

KE: Then it's correct to say, we can never get rid of the polarities?

ET: We cannot get rid of polarities on the level of form. However, you can transcend the polarities through surrender. You are then in touch with a deeper place within yourself where, as it were, the polarities no longer exist. They continue to exist on the outer level. However, even there, something changes in the way in which the polarities manifest in your life when you are in a state of acceptance or surrender. The polarities manifest in a more benign and gentle way.

The more unconscious you are, the more you are identified with form. The essence of unconsciousness is this: identification with form, whether it is an external form (a situation, place, event or experience), a thought form or an emotion. The more attached to form, the more unsurrendered you are, and the more extreme, violent or harsh your experience of the polarities becomes. There are people on this planet who live virtually in hell and on the same planet there are others who live a relatively peaceful life. The ones who are at peace inside will still experience the polarities, but in a much more benign way, not the extreme way in which many humans still experience them. So, the way in which the polarities are experienced does change. The polarities themselves cannot be removed, but one could say, the whole universe becomes somewhat more benevolent. It's no longer so threatening. The world is no longer perceived as hostile, which is how the ego perceives it.

KE: If awakening or living a life in an awakened state does not change the natural order of things, duality, the tension between the opposites, what does living a life in the awakened state do? Does it affect the world, or only one's subjective experience of the world?

ET: When you live in surrender, something comes through you into the world of duality that is not of this world.

KE: Does that actually change the outer world?

ET: Internal and external are ultimately one. When you no longer perceive the world as hostile, there is no more fear, and when there is no more fear, you think, speak and act differently. Love and compassion arise, and they affect the world. Even if you find yourself in a conflict situation, there is an outflow of peace into the polarities. So then, something does change. There are some teachers or teachings that say, nothing changes. That is not the case. Something very important does change. That which is beyond form shines through the form, the eternal shines through the form into this world of form.

KE: Is it right to say that it is your lack of "reaction against," your acceptance of the opposites of this world, that brings about changes in the way the opposites manifest?

ET: Yes. The opposites continue to happen, but they are not fueled by you anymore. What you said is a very important point: the "lack of reaction" means that the polarities are not fueled. This means, you often experience a collapse of the polarities, such as in conflict situations. No person, no situation is made into an "enemy."

KE: So, the opposites, instead of becoming strengthened, become weakened. And perhaps this is how they begin to dissolve.

ET: That's right. Living in that way is the beginning of the end of the world.

Something to consider... I'm hoping you've read the whole interview... if you have... I suggest reading it again!

Until later,

Leland

Leland@CounsellingandMediation.com
http://www.counsellingandmediation.com/
705 443 8290
905 510 9117

Healing Charlie Sheen

Okay... here's the big one! (and yes it is my obvious exploitation of an individuals condition).

How do we go about healing a mind that some have said is self-imposed ego maniacal; suffering from organic psychosis, too many drugs, too much alcohol, organic brain disorder... etc.


Some people are angry, some won't watch his show anymore, some profess to never having had liked him; some think he's evil; some think he shouldn't deserve to be a father, and some, are envious and jealous.

I want you to expand your thinking for a moment and consider the reason that we notice or pay attention to all of the apparent problems we see in another?

What is it about us... you know that part that makes it impossible not to look at an accident as we drive by? that makes it impossible for us to not know about Charlie Sheen? Are we genuinely concerned? or quietly entertained in some way?

I'll be the first to put my hand up to admit that it's entertaining in a bizarre, surreal kind of way.

So, here's the big one... we can heal ourselves and others on the level of the body, in a 2 dimensional manner. Problem created... problem solved. We can see the solutions almost as soon as we identify the "problem". The "problem" with this manner of "healing" is that it assumes varying levels of pain, of distress, etc., all primarily interpreted by the see-er of the problem. I'm sure you can already see how this can lead to another problem ... and perhaps another solution.

In the case of Charlie, he should go to counselling, he should go to re-hab, he should eat better, he should exercise more, he should focus on his work and his kids...

The solution fits the interpretation on a body kind of level... What he doesn't see and what we all have difficulty with is that there is only one healing... the healing of the mind. It is the mind that creates, projects, manifests, defends against and gathers evidence to support itself and it's beliefs.

It is our decision to be focused on and believe in our guilt that needs to be healed. We are then angry about it, frustrated by it, project it out into the world and then need to blame others or other circumstances for "it" which we created in the first place.

Albert Einstein said that we cannot resolve a problem on the same level that it was created at.
We need others to help, we need other minds to remind us to remind ourselves... we need to not feel guilty (or create guilt) for our innocence and ignorance.

The key to healing is understanding, clarifying and FORGIVENESS. and remember this must be done on a different level than the level it was created at!

Although Charlie Sheen may be "entertaining" to us for the moment, there will always be a replacement for this entertainment until we heal. Until then let's focus on becoming more aware, waking up, understanding, and forgiving. Start with you... we'll work on the rest of the world later.

Until later,
Leland

http://www.counsellingandmediation.com/
Leland@CounsellingandMediation.com
705 443 8290
905 510 9117

Spiritual Healing... an oxymoron?

I have been graciously invited to speak at the All Saints Church in Collingwood March 16 on the topic (of all things!) of An introduction to Spiritual Healing.

My fear is that if any of the participants read this beforehand, they may not attend, however, my guarantee to them is that they will all feel/be healed by the end of the experience!


This topic is probably a book on it's own and I'm sure I could/will receive many arguments and contrary opinions. I hope that you consider the following...

People are searching these days, perhaps more than they ever have for a solution to their distress... relationships are difficult, finances are challenging, feeling depressed, disconnected and alone.

What's the answer?????? The self-help industry is bulging with various explanations, providing what appear to be viable, plausible answers. We can find 1,000 different ways and an equal number of steps we need to take to get what we're looking for... but what is it we are all seeking so compellingly? The expression "spiritual healing" or spiritual growth" or "spiritual connection" may come to mind. We align our sense of emptiness or longing with a spiritual need to be fulfilled.

In some respects those feeling and thoughts are accurate. It is our interpretation of that feeling and the related associative thoughts that may lead us astray.

The accuracy lies in the understanding that these thoughts and feelings are indicators of an underlying belief that we are faulty, we should know better, we are therefore incompetent, inadequate and unworthy... maybe God can heal us... maybe God can accept us? The other questions are:

1. if we are thinking this way about ourselves, are we really going to believe that God (or someone else) could love/accept us anyway? Very unlikely. We will/do interpret what we hear (either in our own heads or externally) through that filter of disbelief... and in doing so strengthen our hidden belief that what we are quietly thinking must be true.

2. we are often not really clear about what it is we want healed... or how that might happen... are we all awaiting another coming of Christ... some magic answer to occur...

Remember the story about the guy on the roof of his house during a huge flood (up to the rafters!)??? (Forgive the rough interpretation)
He said that God told him he would be saved, He would come and get him. The guy lets the people in the small boat go by wanting to pick him, explaining that God was going to come to get him... they eventually went off to save others... he (a little more reluctantly) allowed the coast guard to also come and go in their boat... and then again the helicopter rescue... believing that God was going to come and get him... well guess what? He eventually drowned (yeh, I know that parts sad). On his way to see God, he was a little ticked off, to say the least... He exclaimed his anger and disappointment with God and God says... what do ya mean? I SENT YOU THE ROWBOAT, THE COAST GUARD AND THE HELICOPTER!  I digress...

Back to spiritual healing... What is it about our spirits that we feel need to be healed? What do we consider to be our spirit in the first place? What have you heard? Where does your belief come from?
Is it religious? Which one? Have you ever questioned the information? How could you question the (contrary) information?

Congratulations! You've arrived at the first step. Realizing how closed we can be to new information that may challenge our very existence. Consider this as a possibility. I do not ask or suggest that you believe it... just don't immediately discard it. Be open to receiving.

Nothing real can be threatened, nothing unreal exits...
therein lies the peace of God.

The truth of our "spirit" and it's required healing (so we think) lies in our perception. We were all taught when we were in Sunday school that God is.... love... therefore... love is God.
In my opinion all the information we got after that simply confused me... that's all I needed and all I still need.

I also believe that the opposite of love is fear and fear creates judgment to support the fear. Love is our spirit. It is simple, not complicated and has nothing to do with fear or judgment.

Then where does this fear and judgment come from???? Very good question... Ego.

Our ego's job is to individuate, to gather information respecting differences between us... between our appearances, our sex, our lifestyle, our money, our clothing, our behaviour, etc.


The truth is, the more we suspend our judgment, the less fearful we are, the more "out of ego" (easing God out)we are and the more "in God" we are. and the bonus is... we typically we feel more connected.

All these challenges, difficulties and fears are developed out our ego minds, not our spirit...

There is, nor can there be, anything "wrong" or "unhealed" about our spirit. Our "spirit" is our love, our God, our connection. Believe in it, support it, promote it, not the ego mind. It is then, our "ego" mind that requires healing... which is a whole other chapter!

Until later,
Leland
http://www.counsellingandmediation.com/
Leland@CounsellingandMediation.com
705 443 8290
905 510 9117