Leland Clipperton

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

12 Steps to True Happiness

Happiness seems to be an elusive and yet desired state for many. People want to be happy as a direct result of being/feeling unhappy... they may feel that something is missing in their lives or that things are going wrong. Remember my old question... if you don't have what you want in your life, why not?

The following are steps to follow which will help you find the happiness you seek:

1. Write down what you are unhappy about. This will help clarify what's important to you and how you describe your personal happiness. Each item on your list needs to be addressed differently than you have previously or else you'll likely keep getting a similar result.

2. Recognize that you have, in some way, contributed to your unhappiness and can therefore do the same to contribute to your happiness! We don't make ourselves unhappy on purpose... so we need to make a conscious effort to contribute to changing that.

3. Make a decision to be happy. You need to allow for room in your mind to believe that you can and will make things different in your life.

4. Develop a daily plan and write it down with a clear objective to achieve your daily goals. It takes time and effort to create a thought change... creating and being committed to a behavioural change is something you can do, sometimes in spite of how you feel... like going to the gym or taking a walk. Create some momentum with your plan. It is true that the more you do something, the easier it gets to do it.

5. Our bodies are chemical factories and are meant to function in a certain way. Be aware of what you are putting into and change what you need to in order to optimize its appropriate operation. For most people minimizing carbs, sugars and fats will help. Talk to a holistic nutritionist and read up on what's recommended for you. What we put into our bodies can directly effect mood, energy, motivation, focus and commitment.

6. As our bodies need to be fed properly, they also need to be exercised. Our bodies are designed to move... this does not mean you need to be a marathon runner... start by going for daily brisk walks, doing some stretching, etc. Do something you enjoy doing... that makes it easier to NOT do it!

7. Check your attitude... Write what where your thoughts typically lead you. Are they positive, negative, neutral???? Work on making your approach more positive first by being aware of the thoughts you are having, then interfering with what is your normal process by consciously focusing on a more beneficial thought.

8. Be grateful. There is always something you can be grateful for. Write them down and refer to them at times when you need to be interfering with an ungrateful or "poor me" time.

9. Develop a support group of friends. People who you can comfortably spend time with and ask for feedback on questions, enjoy activities with and laugh with.

10. Smile more, whistle, skip, laugh... Provide yourself with experiences of happiness.

11. Forgive others and yourself for all the harms that have be done. We are all just walking through our lives trying to do what we think (or have been taught) we should do. The biggest crime we may commit typically is thoughtlessness. Forgiveness stills the heart and quiets the mind.

12. Get help. It is normal that any change is difficult and challenging. Having professional help will speed up your progress and help you look at areas you may be more reluctant to look at yourself as well as providing accountability and support.

Happiness is within your grasp. Reach out to find it.

Until later,

Leland Clipperton
705 999-2107
905 510-9117

Saturday, May 12, 2012

12 Reasons Why Mediation Works

Mediation is a process where a neutral, unbiased person (the mediator) assists the parties in dispute to negotiate a mutual, supportable resolution that  they have had challenges doing themselves. It is very effective for marital separations.

The following are ten reasons why you should consider mediation (also known as alternative dispute resolution or A.D.R.) as part of your separation process.

1. The process is private and confidential. The only information others need to have is put into the resultant settlement agreement.

2. The issues are discussed and decisions made by you, together. Isn't it better that you have input into your own settlement rather than being told by lawyers, judge or well-intentioned family members or friends?

3. Where children are involved, the focus is kept on the best interests of the children, to develop an effective plan for the children involved. 

4. Mediation is typically much faster than going through litigation.

5. An opportunity to speak directly to the other person about your issues in a neutral and safe environment.

6. You will learn skills to develop improved communication and cooperative problem solving for the future. This is particularly useful when you have children and need to continue your relationship as parents

7. Often more cost effective and simpler than a court process.

8. Can reduce tensions and alleviate an adversarial atmosphere by encouraging a mutual process.

9. Experience has shown that settlements reached through mediation are far more likely to be supported by both parties than those reached through an adversarial battle. It is an agreement that you have developed together

10. Mediation promotes open and respectful communication.

11. The process allows the parties in dispute to explore their interests and concerns and look at a variety of creative options.

12. Issues of co-parenting, asset division, support and any other issues will be appropriately addressed as required.

When your mediation is complete, a settlement agreement will be prepared for your review so that each will have a clear understanding and record of your agreements created during mediation.

If you know someone who could benefit from mediation or have questions, just call or email for more information.

Until later,
705 999-2107 (office)
906 510-9117 (cell)

Friday, May 11, 2012

Your Mind is a Projector

We all project our hidden, underlying beliefs into the world. It is a form of a psychological defense mechanism which exists to relieve anxiety caused by those beliefs.

An example of this is when we blame someone else for a perception of failure, inadequacy or incompetence. This way, we avoid the discomfort of being consciously aware of our belief in a "self-fault" by keeping those feelings unconscious and  deflecting responsibility to another person.

Our mind is the projector... the world is our screen!

You may see how this can be a major issue in relationships... each person projecting their "faults" onto the other! ... and we believe what we are projecting really is the other person's issue!

Then we gather experiential evidence to justify the projection... often to the inevitable end of separation in the relationship. Because it really is the other person that is the problem!
So we may think...

This is not evident to the individual, but is usually evident to a therapist. It is impossible to be objective about the function of our own minds. We cannot see what we are denying.

There are methods that can help. To start with, write down issues you believe others have that disturb you.  A "what I don't like about you is" list. Like it or not, many of those issues are evident because of your own sensitivities, often coming from your own underlying beliefs.

This is a process... it takes times working with a professional to sort through the process...Remember, your projection and denial will be kicking and screaming to stop the process... which is why you need to take your time and work with someone who knows what they're doing...

The process brings awareness, understanding and relief. You will have other options open up for you and this changes your life!

Until later,
705 999-2107
905 510-9117

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

12 Reasons To Get Online Counselling

Why Online Counselling Works

1. Easy to contact. Just email, call or text. (see below) 
2. Easy to book. Appointments booked within 24 hours.

3. Easy scheduling.  Book at times that work for you.

4. Getting help is easier. People who may have a social
     stigma, fears, anxiety, depression or other concerns 
     may not have reached out before now.

5. Convenient. You can have your appointment without leaving your home, office or hotel
     room using Skype, phone or messaging.

6. Transportation challenges are not a concern - No travel time, gas expense or weather

7. Confidential. You conduct your appointments in private, whether at home, office or on the

8. Easy payment. Made by a secured email money transfer.

9. There are no geographical boundaries. Clients can be anywhere in the world. Internet access
     is all that's required.

10. No physical challenges. Clients with physical or mobility challenges can easily access help.

11. Remote areas. Clients that live in more remote areas can access help that may not otherwise
      be available.

 12. Online counselling costs less. Sessions are $45 for half an hour and $85 per hour.

Find out yourself about the convenience of online therapy today. Book your appointment for more information. Others have found it convenient and beneficial.

Leland Clipperton, H.S.C.

www.CounsellingndMediation.com                 705-999-2107 (office)
www.lelandclipperton.blogspot.com               905-510-9117 (cell)