Thursday, March 20, 2014
How many times do we hear ourselves or others saying (or thinking) this? We seem to want to displace our personal responsibilities onto others, as if to say I am not responsible.... or you made me do that!
We see it in extreme cases where people may be prone to interpreting what others have said as an implied (or direct) criticism or threat to our existence. For example, a person who hits their child (or wife) and while doing so will say, "look what you made me do!"
I know it seems insane to believe that we are all capable of doing this in some fashion... and I'm not saying everyone hits their child (or wife)...
but don't we all like to blame others or circumstances for explaining why we are in an uncomfortable predicament that we're in? Isn't far more convenient to blame... relieving us of the responsibility to be accountable?
Another example... 2
Children arguing in the school yard. You ask them "who started it" and they will invariably point at each other... "he/she did!"... Then ask them how they might stop and they will typically respond with, "I'll stop when he stops!"
Why does it seem like our inherent right to blame others or circumstances????
If we gave up that "right" we would have to be fully self-accountable and self-responsible! What a burden that could be... We are reluctant to accept our part in our own struggle and want to place fault somewhere else. This is, in a large part, why it's difficult to introduce positive change into our lives.
We are not puppets, we don't have strings attached to us, being controlled by another person or situation. We, in the end, are responsible for the circumstances and relationships we find ourselves in... At the very least it is our individual responsibility to become more aware of our circumstances and to learn and grow from the experience.
If you don't like the result of what you're doing, change what you're doing. At the very least you will get different information than what you have typically received.
Try not blaming (or at least become more aware of that tendency).
The key to finding out if you may be blaming is to note your emotional responses to others. Your sensitivities will be shown through your emotions and you may, in those circumstances, feel a need to blame. Really what you are doing is projection and allowing that person to control your state of mind, your well-being and you have become their puppet. You then get to blame them and often the struggle in relationships becomes about that, not about what the actual issue may be. No wonder we tend to repeat the same arguments and say things that start with "you always" or "you never"!
When you feel the emotional disturbance, ask yourself what else it may be indicating to you.
Nothing ever really changes as long as we are pointing at what we see as the "cause". After all. if we're not responsible... who is?